"I feel like it's supposed to be "my people", or because it's the best I can find, or because I feel like I must be the odd one out if no one else has a problem with the way people are acting."

So much this, it really did a number on me and probably screwed up my life pretty badly. Like, the more distance I have from some things that more I am just 'wtf...'

For me it was a weird mix of people expecting special treatment but also aggressively not respecting my boundaries. People who were only two years younger than me kept calling me 'fandom Mom' which is just layers of disrespect. First off, I am not the parents here to look after you just because I have a car. They were fundamentally rejecting me as part of the group, a resource, but also they thought it was funny that I hated being called Mommy and so they did it even more... while they all demanded all sorts of special treatment and consideration for themselves. Also, like... the gendered part of it make me ill. I never put up with it, but man so many people wanted to slot me into that 'mommy' role.

I've mentioned this before, but when groups fall prey to this BS everyone who can peaces out. They self-select down to the people who having nothing else and it just gets worse and worse. Lots of fannish people and queer people out there, but a lot of the organized groups can just wind up in this spiral. I've seen it happen.