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I was glad reading the intro that I've at least been exposed to these ideas before. Varying sentence length, reading dialogue aloud, how language sounds, etc.
I am going to break up my entries on this book since I am going to read it in chunks and do the exercises.
Exercise 1: Being Gorgeous
Write a paragraph to a page or narrative that's meant to be read aloud. Use onomatopoeia, alliteration, repetition, rhythmic effects, made-up words or names, dialect - any kind of sound effect you like - but NOT rhyme or meter.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Eliot's punches hit the bag with a solid sound each time. Sweat began to form on his skin, and began to curl the wisps of hair not tied back.
Hardison watched from his computer desk. Putting a punching bag right in the headquarters had been something of a joke between him and Parker. What did they want out of an ideal crime lair? Eliot working out, perfectly lit and easily viewable from both Parker's perches in the rafters and Hardison's snack covered workstation.
The first time Eliot walked over to the bag, he'd been as tense as a photographer watching a neighborhood cat walk up to a leaf pile. Was he really going to play with it? If Hardison sneezed or drew attention to himself, would the moment end? What if Eliot spotted his staring?
Eliot had gone right into a loose stance and hit it again and again, a few light punches to test the bag, then a flurry of hits to work off some energy. He still did his main work outs somewhere else, they didn't know what seedy gym or back alley or dramatic rooftop he used to train. He took to the bag in the loft a few times a week in brief bursts. He always seemed more relaxed and lively afterwards.
Eliot never mentioned the bag. He never seemed to notice being watched. He just enjoyed it, like a cat who had been given a really good scratching post. Eliot grabbed the bag to stop it's slight motion, a sign that he was done. He walked past Hardison to get water from the kitchen tap. Hardison took a deep breath when the smell of fresh male sweat hit his nose. He fought his own body, tensed his muscles to constrain his breath. He liked the scent too much.
Eliot's brief work out sessions brought out all the feelings and thoughts he tried to keep bottled up: lust, longing and a quiet joy in having given Eliot a gift that made him happier. The bag wasn't a mistake. Seeing Eliot's mood lift each time was a gift. The workouts just to the left of his screen made it so much harder to not have the man in his arms and in his bed. He'd had a much easier time controlling his aching heart back in Boston. The scent of sweat, that flushed face, those swift strikes, they caused a fresh ache in his heart each time.
He couldn't move the bag or his desk. If Eliot asked him why he'd panic. If Eliot didn't ask he'd worry that Eliot took it weird somehow... and panic. He was just stuck, constantly having the walls around his heart kicked down all because he and Parker had gotten hyper and giggly one night wondering what would happen if they made a little Eliot corner.
Self review - More relaxed that my usual writing so it flows better. Grammar is a bit looser than I normally allow. I could have gone harder with alliteration and repetition. No good place to put in dialect. Only place to have a made up name would be a brand for bag and I couldn't think of one that would add to the story.
I am going to break up my entries on this book since I am going to read it in chunks and do the exercises.
Exercise 1: Being Gorgeous
Write a paragraph to a page or narrative that's meant to be read aloud. Use onomatopoeia, alliteration, repetition, rhythmic effects, made-up words or names, dialect - any kind of sound effect you like - but NOT rhyme or meter.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Eliot's punches hit the bag with a solid sound each time. Sweat began to form on his skin, and began to curl the wisps of hair not tied back.
Hardison watched from his computer desk. Putting a punching bag right in the headquarters had been something of a joke between him and Parker. What did they want out of an ideal crime lair? Eliot working out, perfectly lit and easily viewable from both Parker's perches in the rafters and Hardison's snack covered workstation.
The first time Eliot walked over to the bag, he'd been as tense as a photographer watching a neighborhood cat walk up to a leaf pile. Was he really going to play with it? If Hardison sneezed or drew attention to himself, would the moment end? What if Eliot spotted his staring?
Eliot had gone right into a loose stance and hit it again and again, a few light punches to test the bag, then a flurry of hits to work off some energy. He still did his main work outs somewhere else, they didn't know what seedy gym or back alley or dramatic rooftop he used to train. He took to the bag in the loft a few times a week in brief bursts. He always seemed more relaxed and lively afterwards.
Eliot never mentioned the bag. He never seemed to notice being watched. He just enjoyed it, like a cat who had been given a really good scratching post. Eliot grabbed the bag to stop it's slight motion, a sign that he was done. He walked past Hardison to get water from the kitchen tap. Hardison took a deep breath when the smell of fresh male sweat hit his nose. He fought his own body, tensed his muscles to constrain his breath. He liked the scent too much.
Eliot's brief work out sessions brought out all the feelings and thoughts he tried to keep bottled up: lust, longing and a quiet joy in having given Eliot a gift that made him happier. The bag wasn't a mistake. Seeing Eliot's mood lift each time was a gift. The workouts just to the left of his screen made it so much harder to not have the man in his arms and in his bed. He'd had a much easier time controlling his aching heart back in Boston. The scent of sweat, that flushed face, those swift strikes, they caused a fresh ache in his heart each time.
He couldn't move the bag or his desk. If Eliot asked him why he'd panic. If Eliot didn't ask he'd worry that Eliot took it weird somehow... and panic. He was just stuck, constantly having the walls around his heart kicked down all because he and Parker had gotten hyper and giggly one night wondering what would happen if they made a little Eliot corner.
Self review - More relaxed that my usual writing so it flows better. Grammar is a bit looser than I normally allow. I could have gone harder with alliteration and repetition. No good place to put in dialect. Only place to have a made up name would be a brand for bag and I couldn't think of one that would add to the story.
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Date: 2022-01-28 02:52 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2022-01-28 10:11 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2022-01-28 03:42 pm (UTC)From:no subject
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Date: 2022-01-29 12:35 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2022-01-29 03:21 am (UTC)From:My favorite is the description of the near hold-your-breath moment regarding the "is he gonna play with it?" Because I know JUST that feeling, usually trying to get a picture of an animal doing something cute that will be derailed at the slightest distraction, so that's a PERFECT comparison, haha.
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Date: 2022-01-29 04:38 am (UTC)From:Eliot would totally react like a cat if anyone made a big deal out of things. Unless, of course, he was intentionally messing with them :)
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Date: 2022-01-30 03:09 am (UTC)From: