Brain Trello

[olivermoss]

AKA my slouching slowly towards actually using Trello. While I was working on this post I actually got a few things done!

Anyway, some of my current projects! For a few of these I am just braindumping, but hey it might help me untangle things

* Sept 15 - Halloween go hard on photography. I have photos in my camera and need to edit, uh, tonight, to be on track for this. I'd picked tomorro....today as a start date a few days ago but things have been busy and suddenly it's been the 15th for 18 whole minutes.



* Make a post about The Crying Game for Transmediaclub. Referencing that movie is part of our current pop culture landscape, even if people don't get the reference. It's become a template, a meme. My understanding of the film is that it was supposed to be a small budget film only shown/seen within the community and became a hit international film. So, it wound up with a very different audience. People were meant to see it knowing what the ending would be. Americans were all 'OMG twist ending! See it before you get spoilered!' I am not sure if that is accurate or not. Whatever the story, I want to find out it out and tell it. I wonder how many people today have actually seen the film, the source of the ball of tropes that haunts us?

Also, I haven't seen the film since last century at least, so seeing it with fresh eyes would be interesting.

* Make a post about Alexander James Adams for Transmediaclub. The problem is that a lot of my sourcing is 'I was there' I'd only ever post public info that he intended to be public, but due to his age and the age/demographic of a lot of his supporters it was mostly Facebook posts and I cannot refind some to save my soul. I am trying to nail down a few dates and info that *should* be googlable but so far no luck.

Also, here's the thing, there is a place online that should have this info but it doesn't. Why? Because the self appointed leader of the online fandom was a giant ass liar. She kept some info about him that he wanted out there out of the spaces she ran, but also spread rumors about him. The rumors are very solidly in the 'doesn't matter if true or not, holy hell, don't repeat that shit!' It wasn't anything problematic, just super, super private and not anyone's business. Basically, to feel closer to him she used to Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss, all 3, literally. Me posting my totally not fact checked memories would be better than anything currently online, but still I'd like to do better than that.

And also, yes, the GGGer in question is also a Portland local who I know and is totally unhinged. But, I don't intend to include her... muddying of the waters in my post.

In short, I know that him losing name recognition due to changing his name and his his label going under happened at least generally around the same time. So, he got the double whammy of losing name recognition, revue from over a dozen albums selling online and at dozens of conventions and also he couldn't legally perform 2-3 decades of his own work. This happened to a lot of artists around that time as changes in the market meant a lot of labels went under and would not release the rights, or couldn't release the rights because they are assets.

Anyway, all he could do was make new music, enough for albums and sets or fight a long legal battle to get his rights back. He did both. He has albums of new music and I think he's pulled every old album out of rights hell.

I know about the Firebird Music problems from several angles including the drama around cons still allowing them in dealer's rooms while they didn't pay residuals. Orycon's explanation was that once those tapes and CDs were gone they were gone and they didn't want to deny anyone a chance at access to an important part of geek culture.

Just nailing down when the Firebird Music BS happened would help a lot, but the sites that had that info are gone or they were run by GGG... but I may just need to go with 'I don't know the exact timing but it was a big double whammy'

Also, it's hard to explain how big he was as an artist in that era of fandom because filk and Mercedes Lackey fandom and a lot about those in-person cons just didn't get recorded. I can't even find a good record of how many cons he was at and I know he had a hectic touring schedule for at least 15 years.

Yeah, maybe I just need to simplify it down to a post I can make and then I can always update it later if I find more info.

Comments

[malinaldarose]

Thank you for bringing him up! I have tried tracking down his name on and off for ages, but not sure I ever knew it, other than there was a J in it somewhere. *scurries off to find a website and music*

[olivermoss]

Glad I could remind you! He has a ton of music. I actually haven't even checked out his current side project, Menage a Trio. The more rock leaning stuff was as Uffington Horse and that should be on youtube, but I don't know if those got pulled from rights hell so he could post on bandcamp or not.

[mistressofmuses]

Doing a relatively basic post that covers what you DO have the info on, and then having the ability to go more in-depth when and if possible could work very well.

It sounds like the situation was even more convoluted than I knew! (At the time it was a very shallow wade into a few filk fansites because of the Mercedes Lackey albums, and encountering the "never speak that name here!" stuff that was more confusing than anything else. It was years and years later that I saw someone mention that "oh yeah, he just goes by this name now.") I didn't realize there was someone causing issues more deliberately, though I suppose that's not terribly surprising, considering... how people are.

[olivermoss]

Oh god, there is a lot more including people taking advantage of him getting a financial triple whammy. However, most of that also goes in the 'doesn't need to go in the post' box. He also had a LOT of albums, including the Misty filk, to tons of original content, two rock focused side projects. The Trixie Pixie rights are in permanent rights hell, I need to double check on Uffington Horse. My post will contain a 'listen to these [3-5] songs to get an overview' section.

So, there is a lot but also I have several of my own personal investments (and grudges). We don't have a lot of FTM elders out there and [writes and deletes several long essays] *grumblegrumble* fucking kids who say they want any example that isn't Buck Angel but when I mention Alex they find him cringe. I really need to figure out Minimum Viable Product to get the post off of my mental plate. I can always update it.

[mistressofmuses]

I do have the vague impression that the filk communities were steeped in a fair amount of drama, maybe mostly of the cutthroat variety. Lots of "we're all one great, happy, friendly, helpful community!" attitude on the surface, with a lot of backstabby stuff in the background. So I guess it isn't surprising that there would have been people trying to make a bad situation worse for someone they were likely jealous of.

Ugh. That's very frustrating. Because you're right - there aren't a lot of prominent FTM elders to look to. I loathe the entirety of cringe culture and how deeply its wormed itself into things... people sincerely loving "weird" things being viewed as "cringe" is just... it's crap. This broader appeal to normalcy, and the idea that everyone should conform to a narrow set of acceptable traits and interests... nah.

[olivermoss]

I never really got involved in filk stuff, partially because sometimes it was very cliquey. Even though I used to have a lot, despite people thinking it was cringe, the scene was just very closed door.

Yeah, and it's a 2-way thing. If kids these days would relax a little and at least give him a try, if he was more established in the community and maybe made more sales, he'd have been less vulnerable to those who wanted to mess with him. The community would have a very strong person to look up to and he'd be in better shape if just... people wouldn't be so quick to judge.

Though I did pretty much make one of the kids meltdown because he was talking about punk and how important to his life that scene was, he was just acting like it was sacred and obviously trying to get us to get us into his bands... So I said I listened to steampunk and talked about it like, logically, that's a subgenre of punk because... death metal is a type of metal, soft rock is a type of rock, steam punk is a type of punk! He was so scandalized at anyone thinking punk and steampunk had anything in common he BSOD'd and then started lecturing me. And I was just like 'punk is right there in the name'

[mistressofmuses]

I definitely can't claim to have very extensive knowledge of filk. Just the Misty stuff and a few other random songs here or there, really. It's the sort of thing that I know WOULD have been right up my alley for a long time, but I just never quite found my access point, if that makes sense. So I was passively a fan of a handful of things, and thought it *seemed* interesting, but that interest never crossed from passive to active.

Yeah. :/ It's really shitty how so much of the queer community can both bemoan their lack of elders to look to... while also being absolute assholes to the ones that they do encounter. The idea of "ew, cringe" whenever someone over 30 (god forbid, over 40 or 50 or beyond) sincerely loves something outside the mainstream, or makes art that isn't perfectly pleasing, or is too flamboyant, or isn't attractive enough, etc. etc. etc... fucking hell, exhausting, and then it just feeds into the same issues over and over.

Lmao, nice job! That's excellent. "Come on kid, it says punk right there!" Fantastic.

[olivermoss]

Filk was a hard scene to get into even as a listener. Super cliquey and gaterkeepery. Kinda makes sense that GGG would pull weird bullshit online to, well, try to keep Alex a bit more to herself. In retrospect it's so freaking creepy.

Yeah, it's like some trans people are hypersensitive about cringe and will weaponize it against each other. I pulled the 'oh yeah, steampunk!' after I'd dealt with that a lot. They say they want something and then go 'ew it's not perfect!'

[mistressofmuses]

I do remember some definite cliquey stuff, while also an attitude denying that there was any cliquishness whatsoever. The kind of "we're all a supportive, enthusiastic community!" thing that I now know almost *always* seems to signal the worst mean-girl attitudes behind the scenes, lol.
Though yeah, real fucking creepy for someone to try and manipulate things that way... Deliberately doing things that harm someone's career because you want them to like you the best/you want to stay their number one fan/you want them to rely on you? Ick, ick, ick.

I understand where this particular facet of respectability politics often comes from... like "oh, the world hates us or doesn't accept us or makes things hard for us because we're weird... so shun anything that has a hint of weird! Make it clear that we are Perfectly Normal, and the world will accept us!" (Other times it isn't that so much as people who are just kind of assholes, who want someone to punch down at, and are happy to target other members of their own communities because they know they're vulnerable.)

But... it's not filk music/writing fic/cosplay/making custom dolls/tarot cards/blue hair etc. that causes transphobia. And denying people the things that make them happy and give them expression and are fun is... just sad. Because I think they're often denying themselves a lot of opportunities to find things they'd also find rewarding, but they're so afraid of letting themselves being "cringe", they just... would rather not do anything sincerely. Letting things matter to you is a type of vulnerability, and it's sad to me how many people try to wall themselves off from it (while lashing out at people who DO allow themselves to love things.) There's probably a non-zero chance that it's jealousy about that fact, too.

[olivermoss]

Oh yeah, cliquey while patting themselves on the back for being welcoming. Yup, that is my experience on both coasts with the scene. But also geek spaces in general were very Like That at the time.

Yeah, I get the respectability politics but the kids need to calm down because they are hurting each other and themselves by being so hard edged about things. Also, like, I get it, if you google him right now you see some very cringe cover art but I know some of that was made while... So I don't think he ever slept rough but between his transition and now he spent 3-6 years living out of a bag and couch surfing. He did some music for people who sheltered him and when he put out feelers for cover art, people who were very Graphic Design is my Passion were just trying to help. When you go a basic google, those are the images that pop up first for me. Also, when you are living off of goodwill sometimes when people offer to 'help' you can't really say no because it's a bad look? Also, something else bad that is, unfortunately, very much part of the public record, legal record in fact, happened to him during that time. People are so wary of possible cringe that they overlook everything else and these divides so real damage. In what should be community spaces people are so hard on each other.

Trying to find yourself or do art is inherently going to have awkward stages, and some people's ideas of fun are always going to seem weird to each other. Tearing each other down just means we don't have the well supported artists, established elders in the community, etc.

Yeah, this is part of why I am tripping over my own brain trying to make that post. The darker stuff doesn't need to be in the post. I know I am not going to like make him any new fans, but if anyone goes looking for the information there is at least a better source out there than... anything currently.

[mistressofmuses]

That's true enough - that does tend to be a problem in geeky and fandom-oriented spaces, so certainly wasn't unique to filk. I'm a bit relieved that I now recognize how likely that attitude is to mask just the most toxic garbage imaginable. But it was a common aspect of the anime clubs I joined, and the cosplayer groups I knew of, etc. etc. etc.

Oh yeah, that's a lot of complicating factors. (I've absolutely seen that sort of scenario play out... where someone offers "help" for free, and even if it's not really the quality you're looking for, you can't really say no without looking bad for turning it down. Plus yeah, a lot of people who have... iffy skill levels are the ones most eager to offer their work.
An it sucks that some genuinely bad shit went down.

There are so many weird hobbies or weird artforms out there! I think everyone would genuinely be happier if they learned to embrace the weirdness, both for the sake of the people they think of as weird, and for themselves as well. Trying to stifle anything "too weird" just leads to narrower and narrower ideas of what is acceptable, and punishes everyone outside that extremely limited window.

I really do think that it would be excellent to have a post that provides a relatively comprehensive and *good* source of information about him. With as spotty as a lot of the info is, having a decent source would really be beneficial. (But I know you know that, and that's what makes it hard!)