(no subject)

[olivermoss]

* I walked a bit tonight, but didn't bring my camera. It was not the sort of rain that is good for shooting. But, I got out and stretched and stuff.

* I recently finished some very, very, painfully overdue tasks. Like, years overdue. It's good to have stuff done. Bit weird though. Still shit tons to do, but I am working through the layers of crap and getting things done.

I may do a navel gazey post at some point about closure. I really don't have closure on... most things from my past. When I recently did get some closure on something, it took me a stupid amount of time to even realize that's what happened and why I felt like a mountain of stress was lifted off me. I want more of that, but don't really know what to do about it?

* I am still struggling with an ocular migraine. It's definitely my right eye and it feels like the migraine is roughly in the direction... of my desk lap when I am at my computer. I don't know if that's the cause or if my eyes are being sensitive and that's what there is to be sensitive to. So, I moved stuff around to see if it helps.

It's still not terrible, but it's very much a situation where my blackout blindfold feels very good and I don't want to take it off once on.

Comments

[mistressofmuses]

Congrats on the walk! And on getting overdue tasks done. I know how those feel as they stack up.

Closure is hard. It's often impossible to get, and all the pithy advice about how "lack of closure is also closure" doesn't make it true. When you CAN get it - even if you have to find it or create it yourself - it is a huge relief.

Yuck on the migraine. I hope it leaves you alone soon.

[olivermoss]

Lack of closure is not closure, but sometimes crappy closure is way better than nothing. That was what I did for one situation. I need to go back and do more for that, but for now being able to mentally call it 'done' is a huge relief.

[mistressofmuses]

Crappy, incomplete closure is definitely better than no closure at all. And sometimes "true" closure would require other people to do or say something, and that may not be something you can get... but you can still do what IS possible on your end to shut out a chapter of your life.

Striking through something - especially a big something, or a messy something, or a miserable something - can be a very freeing and satisfying sense of relief.

[olivermoss]

Yeah, people are the problem. I cannot have certain people call me and ask for help just so I can say 'no', no matter how much that would help me mentally. I cannot make... a lot of things happen. Lots of things I just can't do.

[mistressofmuses]

Other people are almost always the problem. In so many ways. It sucks that there's so much you can't do on your own, even if it would go a long way toward helping. All you can do is focus on what IS under your control, and get the closure that you CAN make happen.

[olivermoss]

Yup, precisely. Gotta focus on what I can control.