Arg

[olivermoss]

Oh hey blue skies! But only over the west hills. When I woke up the smoke was bad in my part of town. It's starting to clear up, though. Most of the nights I could have been photowalking the smoke was in the orange-red to red warning levels. Overall, the smoke hasn't been nearly as bad here as other places ... and nowhere near last fall. We've been stupidly lucky with winds. But, I get dizzy fast even in mild smoke so I haven't been going out much except when I need to ... which means I haven't shot much recently. What I have shot went in my photo prompts post.

I've been unproductive recently and it makes me feel shitty. I've done a bit of drawing and writing, but not being able to get and do things makes it hard to focus. I'd be doing better if I was doing daily yoga again. I am trying to get back into that habit. Well, more daily yoga. I do some poses on my own, but doing a routine video helps a lot to get brain to work gooder.

Everything I'd planned/hoped to do between now and the end of the year is officially cancelled.

I'd hoped once the pandemic stuff calmed down that I'd go and do a few things I'd always meant to do, to make sure they don't disappear before I can. But, long distance rail tracks on pretty much every Amtrak route have taken damage. The center of Isle Royal burned. If any Murderboat events happened again I'd planned to go, no matter what it was. A new event was announced, I got early bird tickets and ... it's been cancelled due to rising Covid variant concerns.

I need to get productive again, but I feel like the rug gets pulled out from under me every time I pick myself back up.

I feel like my only accomplishments recently are video game related. My GW2 raid progression group can clear more bosses and I've gotten used to the new, more difficult version of professional level Phasmophobia that just dropped?

Comments

[mistressofmuses]

Ugh, I feel a lot of your pain.

The air quality kept us from doing a lot of the outdoorsy things we'd hoped to do over the summer (though last week we fortunately were able to do a bit).

We had just been hoping that maybe we could start doing club stuff again, because other than hiking, dancing is about the only physical exercise I enjoy. The bigger warehouse-style gay club was already requiring proof of vax status or a negative test to attend, and the smaller goth club was just about to start doing the same, which made us hopeful that we could feel reasonably safe about it. AND... the main scene DJ had to find a substitute because she got a breakthrough Covid case. And then a few days afterwards, her substitute DJ just announced HE tested positive for Covid in a breakthrough case as well.
So... nope, don't feel great about going out, actually.

It's not even really fall yet, but I'm dreading winter.

I feel really creatively dead, and am having a hell of a time breaking out of it.

It does sound like you've gotten the rug pulled out from under you repeatedly. I'm glad you've gotten to do SOME photowalking, but I know it hasn't been as much as you'd like. And all the cancelled events (or events and places that just stop altogether) suck.

Video games are something!

[olivermoss]

Yeah, having video games is good. Having a static group to do stuff with is good. It just sucks that any non-video-game goals seem unpossible right now.

Having two DJs get it in a row is rough.

It's so stupid that this is all still happening. Portland is bringing in mobile morgue trucks to help with overflow. And I'm still just mostly at home by myself. The few places I can go, I'd have to sit at a separate table and not interact with anyone. Not being able to be productive or social feels like I am just waiting in stasis. I know it's it's hard to be productive at times like this, but it would be so much easier to deal with if I was.

[mistressofmuses]

Hard same.

I know that measuring things in terms of "productivity" is a symptom of terminal capitalism, and yes, we're in the middle of a years-long crisis on multiple fronts that have worn basically every single person down...

But I would STILL feel so much better if I could be doing things. Creative things! Things I enjoy! Instead... everything does feel stuck. Time is passing distressingly fast and painfully slow at the same time.

[olivermoss]

Yeah, there is al that capitalist stuff, but I think even without it the default state of most humans is to be productive. I have random scenes and feels and ideas in my WIPs that I want done and out in the world!

And yeah, time is fast and slow at the same time. How are we this far into September?

[mistressofmuses]

Agreed!

Especially when it comes to being social and being creative... people are naturally social and creative creatures! Even removing capitalistic ideas of productivity... those are things that are intrinsic to people, and being stifled in them sucks.

How ARE we this far into September?? Already a fourth of the way through the month, almost three fourths through the year...

[olivermoss]

Time is very, very weird these days.

[pauraque]

Sorry to hear things are rough right now.

I used to run a raid group in WoW, so I can say with certainty that raid progression is a legit accomplishment! Congrats on your boss kills.

[olivermoss]

Yeah, it's good to have a progression groups going right now. But it sucks that any non-video-game-related goal seems unpossible right now.